After reading Alexander's blog, I can't help but to share my opinions and views regarding the common behaviors for parents who found out their son is gay.
There are a few ways your parents will know that you're gay;
Case 1
You're an obvious case. Think pink outfits, limp wrists, high pitch voice and etc.
I can only thank God, I'm not in this category
Case 2
You got gossiped behind your back by either friends, relatives or anyone else who's so god damn free cause they saw you going out with another guy holding hands or something.
Well, if you're this good looking and so is your boyfriend, you're practically famous, I guess?
Case 3
You tell them, "Hi mum. Hi dad. I'm gay!"
Case 4
Logic interpretation of your ongoing behaviors by your parents. The lack of close female friends, no history of having a girlfriend even though you're 25 and etc.
No matter which case it is, most parents in the Asia region are definitely not going to be able to take this lightly. So let see what are the normal reactions parents will give when they found out that their son is gay.
Parents' Reaction 1
Mad. Super mad. They'll yell and scream at you and might even act violently on you, especially if you're still living under their care.
I bet if Ronald McDonald's son is gay, he'll slap him silly. Lol
Parents' Reaction 2
Sad and disappointment. Imagine crying and self blaming by parents on what happened and what turned wrong in their upbringing till you're now gay.
They might argue with each other trying to find where did it go wrong
Parents' Reaction 3
They don't bother. This is a very rare case which only happens on both extremes. Either your parents are very open minded and loves you for who you are irregardless of your sexuality (before you tell them) or they don't give a shit about you.
Now that we've covered the possible reactions by parents, let's see what your parents might do after figuring out that you're gay. Do note that any parents who reacted as according to Reaction 3 has no more issues here.
Parents' Action 1
Iron rule. They will go all out to change you back. Cutting off all your communications with the outside world, limiting your freedom, contacts and everything else. Happens a lot to teenager gays.
By that time, your life at home is practically like jail
Parents' Action 2
Disowning the son. Serious. There are a lot of cases which I've seen and heard that parents disown their son just because he's gay. They're ashamed and want nothing to do with their son.
Out you go, you faggot!
Parents' Action 3
Talking and counseling. They'll talk non stop and counsel you non stop that being gay is wrong and you should be with a girl. Talks about religion and might even bring in a psychiatrist to attempt to cure you.
Parents' Action 4
Ignore that they know you're gay and continue living happily. They don't talk about your gay life, your boyfriend and nothing. Zip.
Now I know that I'm only listing all the negative reactions and actions by parents upon discovery of their son is gay, but trust me, there aren't exactly many happy stories by gays in Malaysia when their parents found out.
What I'm trying to bring light in my blog post today, is how difficult being gay is, in our Eastern society. Not only do we have to live in secrecy and in the shadows, we're even shunned and negatively viewed upon by our very own parents.
My case of coming out to my parents was simple. I told them. I'm a person who doesn't like to lie (unless I have damn lots of gains from it). Thus, you see me being who I am, out and loud. Their reaction was a mix of case 2 and case 3, where they were disappointed but they accepted me, especially my mum. Of course, they then continued to undertake the route of ignorance to stop talking about this till today which I find it acceptable as it might not be easy for them to discuss this with me.
The only regret I had, was I actually kept this secret a lie for quite awhile before telling my parents. I admit, I was a pussy. You see, prior to this, I was a student who rely on my parents for education, allowance and etc. I cannot help but to ensure that my interest of surviving in the concrete jungle of KL is taken care of by keeping my sexuality in the dark from my parents in case... they disown me.
Selfish of me, the moment I got myself a job, I took a journey home to Ipoh and talked to my parents nicely about myself. Sigh... it's not something I'm proud of, but I just want to let everyone know, that being gay is not easy. It's every gay student's nightmare to let their parents know. Thank God, I've survived that stage.
However, even for gays who already have a job, but staying with their parents might have a dispute upon this discovery. I shall elaborate no further but I'll strongly suggest that you read Alex's blog for his experience.
Kids out there who are reading this. Don't be gay. Go dig pussies, cause you'll live a better life.
Seriously, how can we gays not like pussies?
P.S. I know I'm crude. :D
P.P.S. Girls, I'm just kidding, yea? Don't take offense. :)
Cheers
Robb
There are a few ways your parents will know that you're gay;
Case 1
You're an obvious case. Think pink outfits, limp wrists, high pitch voice and etc.
I can only thank God, I'm not in this category
Case 2
You got gossiped behind your back by either friends, relatives or anyone else who's so god damn free cause they saw you going out with another guy holding hands or something.
Well, if you're this good looking and so is your boyfriend, you're practically famous, I guess?
Case 3
You tell them, "Hi mum. Hi dad. I'm gay!"
Case 4
Logic interpretation of your ongoing behaviors by your parents. The lack of close female friends, no history of having a girlfriend even though you're 25 and etc.
No matter which case it is, most parents in the Asia region are definitely not going to be able to take this lightly. So let see what are the normal reactions parents will give when they found out that their son is gay.
Parents' Reaction 1
Mad. Super mad. They'll yell and scream at you and might even act violently on you, especially if you're still living under their care.
I bet if Ronald McDonald's son is gay, he'll slap him silly. Lol
Parents' Reaction 2
Sad and disappointment. Imagine crying and self blaming by parents on what happened and what turned wrong in their upbringing till you're now gay.
They might argue with each other trying to find where did it go wrong
Parents' Reaction 3
They don't bother. This is a very rare case which only happens on both extremes. Either your parents are very open minded and loves you for who you are irregardless of your sexuality (before you tell them) or they don't give a shit about you.
Now that we've covered the possible reactions by parents, let's see what your parents might do after figuring out that you're gay. Do note that any parents who reacted as according to Reaction 3 has no more issues here.
Parents' Action 1
Iron rule. They will go all out to change you back. Cutting off all your communications with the outside world, limiting your freedom, contacts and everything else. Happens a lot to teenager gays.
By that time, your life at home is practically like jail
Parents' Action 2
Disowning the son. Serious. There are a lot of cases which I've seen and heard that parents disown their son just because he's gay. They're ashamed and want nothing to do with their son.
Out you go, you faggot!
Parents' Action 3
Talking and counseling. They'll talk non stop and counsel you non stop that being gay is wrong and you should be with a girl. Talks about religion and might even bring in a psychiatrist to attempt to cure you.
Parents' Action 4
Ignore that they know you're gay and continue living happily. They don't talk about your gay life, your boyfriend and nothing. Zip.
Now I know that I'm only listing all the negative reactions and actions by parents upon discovery of their son is gay, but trust me, there aren't exactly many happy stories by gays in Malaysia when their parents found out.
What I'm trying to bring light in my blog post today, is how difficult being gay is, in our Eastern society. Not only do we have to live in secrecy and in the shadows, we're even shunned and negatively viewed upon by our very own parents.
My case of coming out to my parents was simple. I told them. I'm a person who doesn't like to lie (unless I have damn lots of gains from it). Thus, you see me being who I am, out and loud. Their reaction was a mix of case 2 and case 3, where they were disappointed but they accepted me, especially my mum. Of course, they then continued to undertake the route of ignorance to stop talking about this till today which I find it acceptable as it might not be easy for them to discuss this with me.
The only regret I had, was I actually kept this secret a lie for quite awhile before telling my parents. I admit, I was a pussy. You see, prior to this, I was a student who rely on my parents for education, allowance and etc. I cannot help but to ensure that my interest of surviving in the concrete jungle of KL is taken care of by keeping my sexuality in the dark from my parents in case... they disown me.
Selfish of me, the moment I got myself a job, I took a journey home to Ipoh and talked to my parents nicely about myself. Sigh... it's not something I'm proud of, but I just want to let everyone know, that being gay is not easy. It's every gay student's nightmare to let their parents know. Thank God, I've survived that stage.
However, even for gays who already have a job, but staying with their parents might have a dispute upon this discovery. I shall elaborate no further but I'll strongly suggest that you read Alex's blog for his experience.
Kids out there who are reading this. Don't be gay. Go dig pussies, cause you'll live a better life.
Seriously, how can we gays not like pussies?
P.S. I know I'm crude. :D
P.P.S. Girls, I'm just kidding, yea? Don't take offense. :)
Cheers
Robb
15 comments:
Confessing is always the hardest part. Be it 2 ur lover or even ur parents. Speaking the truth to ur parents bout not being the u they expect is an extra obstacle 4 plu. Good 4u that u have passed both stages.
ps: New reader of ur blog. Loves it!
In fact, there's a support group for gays in Pink Triangle Foundation. There's quite many successful men there too. Maybe you'll think it sounds sad to have a support group, but actually it's more like a hangout place for them! I'd no idea what would they be wanting to do when they watch movies together. :P
LOL....!! Very well written with your careful thoughts. Not everyone is as brave and lucky as you. I grew up in Thailand & their acceptance level is so humane. When I blogged about the Ladyboys, they expressed thumbs up for highlighting about them. Seems they suffer much more due to their strong urge for female dressings, hence no closets to hide inside.
Hey Robb, your post and ALexander's inspired me to share about my own as well. I just updated my blog =)
haha.. great post wit good insights =)
and lucky u for having parents who understand =)
tk cr robb~
haha... Robb, you sound like a non-confrontational guy to me... prefers to avoid confrontation (NOT!) lol.
Yeah... it can be tough... especially in Malaysia where the society is so close minded.
I agree with your last statement... kids..don't be gay if you can. Life is definitely more better if you are not gay. I am gay and I like guys but I always wonder if my life would be much better if I am straight.... married.. with kids.. hahaha guess I'll never know.
Interesting!
this entry most probably can sums it up for all gays in malaysia
yay for gays! (i mean...it's getting better)
don't hide anything if u can. hey rob :)
everyone was so well written.. except the last line...
people dont choose to be gay.
zip.
Wow..ur parents r so lucky ~ Hopefully my parents r like that ~
that pussy almost made me puke...
I'm Case 4 but I'm not gay. So what am I??? Oh no, something wrong with me?
I work with many young students, and i came across yr blog thru 5XMOM.I salute u for yr honesty in telling the world of yr status.
With due respect,i would appreciate if u can gif some comments and yr views about homosexuality.
If possible, would u care to write a post as a Guest writer for my blog?
Sorry i am asking too much. TQ
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