Before I begin my story today, I'm very amazed that there are a lot of readers who follow closely to what I've experienced in the past. It isn't difficult for you to scribble something as a comment for me right? Comments make me happy and that would make me write more often. :D
At any rate, molesting people is bad, mkay? I was a bad boy, mkay? Kids, don't be like me, mkay? Sorry, too much Mr Mackey from South Park. Lol.
Alright alright, I'll continue my story.
-----------------------------------------------
After a few months of not being able to see Billy, I started to get used to it. I mean, I was having fun playing computer games and molesting Patrick here and there. No complains, right? Lol. But one fateful day, Billy was there when I entered Triple Net. He was charming as usual, but something is really really different this time.
He greeted me casually and I went to my seat. He did not approach me for a hug or anything which disappointed me at that time. So I thought he was busy or something. I continued playing my games with occasion glances towards his direction. To my surprise.. he seems to be having fun interacting with another kid probably age 11 or 12. Pinching his cheeks, hugging him from behind and chasing him all over the place. I was getting jealous to be precise. And guess what? The kid was fat too! Lol.
I was beginning to think that Billy is a chaser. For those who have no idea about the term, chaser refers to a man (as far as I know from the gay community) who goes after fat guys/boys (chubs). Man, that day was not fun at all for me. I was practically angry due to the fact that it was such a rare chance for me to see him again and he doesn't show any affection to me, but to another fat kid? Seriously, I started thinking that he didn't have much thought on me to begin with.
I ignored this and acted as a normal customer to the cybercafe. I paid for my usage and left. And our lives went on. The next time I saw Billy in Triple Net again, he was sleeping on the couch. I purposely asked for a computer station next to the couch so I can see him when I'm playing games. He saw me, and he touched my hand. It felt good.
Finally some good news, right? Wrong. That was the only thing he did. No words, nothing else. And after he woke up, he left me all by myself. I was really really confused by his acts. At one moment (refer previous posts), he was so caring and nice towards me, the next.. he acted like I'm just a normal customer to his cybercafe. A thousand questions started to surface in my mind. Some of them are listed below;
"Did he actually loved me?"
"Did he treat me like a brother?"
"Does he treat all his customers this nice cause he's a nice guy?"
"Is he gay?"
"Why the fuck did he go around charming other fatties when he got me?"
I know. The questions I asked myself were pretty stupid. I'm merely letting you know of my past, so please don't call me a bimbo. Lol.
After that incident, I started a cold war with him. I did not recognize his presence anymore in front of me, don't bother calling his name, contacting him and etc. It went on for quite awhile. To be honest, I doubt he even noticed that I was having a cold war with him cause I doubt he considered me as anyone close to him at the first place. Lol. So the pain was actually on my side. It hurt me badly cause I longed for his care and love but I was ignoring him.
Finally after a few months of a one sided cold war, I gave up. I started talking to Billy again but the conversation were very casual. No hugs, no kisses, not even a touch on my hand by him when I was playing games in his cybercafe. When I finished playing games for that day, I asked if he could fetch me home, and he agreed as always, because he's a nice guy (I must stress, my house is like the other side of the town from his place).
The main reason why I asked if he could fetch me home, was for me to actually talk to him honestly about us. Our relationship to be precise. What are we? Brothers? Lovers? Or just mentor and apprentice?
But, being in the same car and sitting next to him made my mouth so tightly sealed, I can hardly say anything. I was afraid. Very afraid to confront and discuss the things I wanted to know. I didn't even dare to hold his hands when he was driving (manual car, kinda easy to grab a hand once in awhile). The entire car trip back to my house was awkwardly silent despite my intention to talk. I can't seem to find the right time nor words to begin at all.
Then we came to a traffic light. It just turned red. I still cannot mustered any form of sentence to actually talk to him about us. But I knew I missed his care and love so much, I just wanted him to kiss me. Since he's not going to offer that on his own will, I wanted to let him know how I felt about him too...
So... I actually unbuckled my seat belt and went over to his seat to kiss him.
Guess what?
I was pushed away.
Yes. Pushed away.
He patted me on my head and buckled my seat belt back as the lights turned green. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what color was my face as I didn't check any reflection, but my cheeks felt so hot, I swear I contributed to global warming that day. He continued patting my head as I didn't even dare to look at him after that. I just continued to look outside the car.
Deep inside my heart.. I felt broken. Shattered into pieces.
That push obviously signified that there wasn't any love between us and it was just a fragment of my imagination that he loved me. Yes, he cared for me, but he definitely did not love me. That was enough for me to tell from that act alone.
As his car reached my house, he patted me on my head once again and told me,
"Don't think too much."
And then he came towards me to give me a peck on my cheeks but I told him that I don't need it anymore before bidding him farewell. As I walked into my house, my heart hurts so bad, it's like a virgin asshole being poked by an elephant's dick. I went right for my room. I was raised in an environment that a man shall not be seen shedding any tears in public. I'm happy to say that I'm very much capable of holding my tears till I'm alone.
Once in my room, I cried my heart out (Non literal, cause I still have it with me now). I felt so sad, disappointed, broken-hearted and stupid to even think that someone loves me. It was a very very sad period for me.
From that day onwards, I've never contacted Billy anymore (at least till I'm 19 which I'll share much later). But his presence in my life no doubt left a huge impact for me. He made me realize that I am capable of being loved and loving another man instead of a woman. And for that, I'm grateful as I'm living that life today.
I'm sorry if I'm not able to present the experience in a better way. I'm personally affected by this as I'm thinking back of the experience. At any rate, Billy will no longer be a subject in my story after this post (not at least till I reach 19). But I assure you, there's more to my teen life involving love attempts with girls, best buddies, first encounter with another faggot, etc etc.
So stay tuned.
P.S. Check out the Beauty and The Beast video I have at the sidebar. Cantonese dubbed, so if you can't understand it, I'm sorry that you're missing one hilarious shit.
Cheers
Robb
First Post Previous Post Next Post
At any rate, molesting people is bad, mkay? I was a bad boy, mkay? Kids, don't be like me, mkay? Sorry, too much Mr Mackey from South Park. Lol.
Alright alright, I'll continue my story.
-----------------------------------------------
After a few months of not being able to see Billy, I started to get used to it. I mean, I was having fun playing computer games and molesting Patrick here and there. No complains, right? Lol. But one fateful day, Billy was there when I entered Triple Net. He was charming as usual, but something is really really different this time.
He greeted me casually and I went to my seat. He did not approach me for a hug or anything which disappointed me at that time. So I thought he was busy or something. I continued playing my games with occasion glances towards his direction. To my surprise.. he seems to be having fun interacting with another kid probably age 11 or 12. Pinching his cheeks, hugging him from behind and chasing him all over the place. I was getting jealous to be precise. And guess what? The kid was fat too! Lol.
I was beginning to think that Billy is a chaser. For those who have no idea about the term, chaser refers to a man (as far as I know from the gay community) who goes after fat guys/boys (chubs). Man, that day was not fun at all for me. I was practically angry due to the fact that it was such a rare chance for me to see him again and he doesn't show any affection to me, but to another fat kid? Seriously, I started thinking that he didn't have much thought on me to begin with.
I ignored this and acted as a normal customer to the cybercafe. I paid for my usage and left. And our lives went on. The next time I saw Billy in Triple Net again, he was sleeping on the couch. I purposely asked for a computer station next to the couch so I can see him when I'm playing games. He saw me, and he touched my hand. It felt good.
Finally some good news, right? Wrong. That was the only thing he did. No words, nothing else. And after he woke up, he left me all by myself. I was really really confused by his acts. At one moment (refer previous posts), he was so caring and nice towards me, the next.. he acted like I'm just a normal customer to his cybercafe. A thousand questions started to surface in my mind. Some of them are listed below;
"Did he actually loved me?"
"Did he treat me like a brother?"
"Does he treat all his customers this nice cause he's a nice guy?"
"Is he gay?"
"Why the fuck did he go around charming other fatties when he got me?"
I know. The questions I asked myself were pretty stupid. I'm merely letting you know of my past, so please don't call me a bimbo. Lol.
After that incident, I started a cold war with him. I did not recognize his presence anymore in front of me, don't bother calling his name, contacting him and etc. It went on for quite awhile. To be honest, I doubt he even noticed that I was having a cold war with him cause I doubt he considered me as anyone close to him at the first place. Lol. So the pain was actually on my side. It hurt me badly cause I longed for his care and love but I was ignoring him.
Finally after a few months of a one sided cold war, I gave up. I started talking to Billy again but the conversation were very casual. No hugs, no kisses, not even a touch on my hand by him when I was playing games in his cybercafe. When I finished playing games for that day, I asked if he could fetch me home, and he agreed as always, because he's a nice guy (I must stress, my house is like the other side of the town from his place).
The main reason why I asked if he could fetch me home, was for me to actually talk to him honestly about us. Our relationship to be precise. What are we? Brothers? Lovers? Or just mentor and apprentice?
But, being in the same car and sitting next to him made my mouth so tightly sealed, I can hardly say anything. I was afraid. Very afraid to confront and discuss the things I wanted to know. I didn't even dare to hold his hands when he was driving (manual car, kinda easy to grab a hand once in awhile). The entire car trip back to my house was awkwardly silent despite my intention to talk. I can't seem to find the right time nor words to begin at all.
Then we came to a traffic light. It just turned red. I still cannot mustered any form of sentence to actually talk to him about us. But I knew I missed his care and love so much, I just wanted him to kiss me. Since he's not going to offer that on his own will, I wanted to let him know how I felt about him too...
So... I actually unbuckled my seat belt and went over to his seat to kiss him.
Guess what?
I was pushed away.
Yes. Pushed away.
He patted me on my head and buckled my seat belt back as the lights turned green. I was embarrassed. I didn't know what color was my face as I didn't check any reflection, but my cheeks felt so hot, I swear I contributed to global warming that day. He continued patting my head as I didn't even dare to look at him after that. I just continued to look outside the car.
Deep inside my heart.. I felt broken. Shattered into pieces.
That push obviously signified that there wasn't any love between us and it was just a fragment of my imagination that he loved me. Yes, he cared for me, but he definitely did not love me. That was enough for me to tell from that act alone.
As his car reached my house, he patted me on my head once again and told me,
"Don't think too much."
And then he came towards me to give me a peck on my cheeks but I told him that I don't need it anymore before bidding him farewell. As I walked into my house, my heart hurts so bad, it's like a virgin asshole being poked by an elephant's dick. I went right for my room. I was raised in an environment that a man shall not be seen shedding any tears in public. I'm happy to say that I'm very much capable of holding my tears till I'm alone.
Once in my room, I cried my heart out (Non literal, cause I still have it with me now). I felt so sad, disappointed, broken-hearted and stupid to even think that someone loves me. It was a very very sad period for me.
From that day onwards, I've never contacted Billy anymore (at least till I'm 19 which I'll share much later). But his presence in my life no doubt left a huge impact for me. He made me realize that I am capable of being loved and loving another man instead of a woman. And for that, I'm grateful as I'm living that life today.
I'm sorry if I'm not able to present the experience in a better way. I'm personally affected by this as I'm thinking back of the experience. At any rate, Billy will no longer be a subject in my story after this post (not at least till I reach 19). But I assure you, there's more to my teen life involving love attempts with girls, best buddies, first encounter with another faggot, etc etc.
So stay tuned.
P.S. Check out the Beauty and The Beast video I have at the sidebar. Cantonese dubbed, so if you can't understand it, I'm sorry that you're missing one hilarious shit.
Cheers
Robb
First Post Previous Post Next Post
23 comments:
"It isn't difficult for you to scribble something as a comment for me right?" -- Sowie, Robb. That's why I'm leaving a comment here now.
"it's like a virgin asshole being poked by an elephant's dick" - lol This description is so cool! Those who read it will definitely able to feel that pain XD
As I read through your story in this post, well, it actually happened to me before. Sigh. At one moment, this guy started to treat me very nice (on MSN, in class). Been quite touchy after a while eg. played with my hair, took my arm like a bolster, etc.
I started to fall for him (initially, no feelings mkay? XD started to learn from you. Hope you won't mind). Being loved and cared (even my friends could tell that he may like me 'cos he treated me so different).
But before I could realise it, he acted cold towards me. Never bother to talk to me (on MSN and in class). Being touchy to other girls -__- Damn hurt wei!
I dedicated the song "hot and cold" to u.
Meet a lot of ppl like this,indecisive bastards.
sori for the language
damn. i feel so disturbed reading this hahahaha mainly because i was in triple with u some of the times.
i dont mean it in a bad way or anything. :P
hugs :)
okay. this is more detailed version of billy and you!
live life!!
ohhh robb, fumoffu, others... i so very much adore you guys... whoot...
i have also experienced the same and yeah, it was bound to fall. it fell. and im still picking up the pieces of my heart that thought that "us" could be possible...
but we are still friends though. im just glad i found that out soon before i fall completely and may have broken as a whole.
why always stop in the middle?! ;( i had to click your blog every day again... hmp!
:-( sad case
i hate this part!hehe..care us so much then jz leave us like shit."dont think too much"? yah u bet. i knw how pain it is. ok,enuf from me ^^
nice experience... hughug... dont sad la... continue writing ya...^^
pity you robb...what a sad post it is:(
by the way...about the definition of chaser..
chaser doesnt only refer to men that like oversized man..
the exact definition is someone(guy/girl) that attracted to oversized people...
huge ouch in the ass..... haiz... that is what exactly most of the PLU was afraid of right... and you experienced it and you live.... but you aren't having one of them as you best friends' circle so i guess my side of the story can hurt more if i had ever confessed... haiz... life is such complicated matter....
oOO so tragic!
here's a comment.
hurry up with the next post :P
Erm...I must say I am feeling that way like how you did many years ago until today...very sad and till today, haven't found anyone that will love me the way I love 'em...sigh...now I'm becoming more down....anyway, excited about your next posts....if only I can read everything at one go....thanks...take care... :)
i really like reading your stories!
keep it up! :)
ROBB!!!
please post more about ur story
its soooo interesting n fun to read!!
heheheheeeh
im so hookd to ur blog <3
fumoffu: yea lo yea lo. why so sudden change 1 they all? =.=
ichimaru: tell me abt it. lol
jon: i understand. no worries dude.
kee foo: hehe, penning it down can recap more details than conversation, dude.
innocent: good for u
anonymous: that's the whole point of me writing the story, ain't it? lol
cookiedonut: well, i've lived on. :)
ah sen: agree
shiuji: blek!
anone: thanks for the clarification. :)
binn: share share!! lol
ky: yea. so when wan belanja makan to cure my tragic case? lol
suanie: slowly la. takes time to write like this.
alsace: thanks for reading. :P
valsim: tq!
stareunji: will do!
As I walked into my house, my heart hurts so bad, it's like a virgin asshole being poked by an elephant's dick.
LOL you have successfully turned your pathetic story to a joke ^_^
Spleesh!
He doesn't just sound like a chubby chaser, he sounds like a paedo as well!
Just what does he think he's doin' with an 11/12 year old kid?!
the same thing goes to me...
there's a girl she did the same thing to me...
she's one year elder than me...
we got to know each other from a camp...
she is the one who made the first move...
she starts to contact me after the camp...
well we didn't officially together...
but I think isn't that a "yes,we are lovers" after what she did?
she's a very sweet person
she buy sweets for me and put under my desk for me...
(FYI we study in the same class but she's in morning session and i'm afternoon)
We sms everyday and msn without fail...
I'm even the first and only person she have video conversation with...
(I wonder how true is that?)
And we even call each other...
there's once I called her and I finished all my money (I'm using prepaid) so I sms her ask her to not wait for my call and ya da ya da...
and the next thing you know
she call me back within second and she also finished her money calling me...
and the next day she reloaded RM30 for me...
how generous?I never ask for it...
and I will always ask her do you have some other girls than me she say no...
She even call me dear and say she loves me...
but all of sudden...
she dramatically changed and like forget whatever that happen between us...
I'm confuse whether we had been together or not...
I even told her what we used to do...this and that
and she just deny everything...
It's like a dream...
Even my friend also telling me that we have the thing between us...
so I also can feel the pain you been through...
and till today we're still friends...=.=
oh ya...
there's also once I wanted to introduce her to my friend because I don't want to be with her secretly...
she actually forget about that and straight away went home...
but somehow she still remember about me and take a bus back to meet me...
I saw her all sweaty and so I asked her what she just did
then she told me she forget about our meeting and straight away went home...
then I asked her why you patah balik...
she told me because I promised you...
ahhh...I'm feeling sad again...
I used 3 years to get over her...
he treated you like a toy. grrr!!!
I've not been commenting, but now I am! We need more updates. You're keeping us hanging in the air. :P
And oh boy, I totally understand how you felt at that point because I just went through that phase like a week ago. It hurt so effing much, that words alone cannot help express how much pain it caused. Grrr. I hate it when they take relationship so lightly. Grrrr.
Post a Comment