This post is a very long post which talks about girls in different stages of my life. Not much gay stuff, but I like the cute guys' pictures so I put them here as well. :P
There are many studies carried out each year to find the connection on how women played a role in nurturing a boy's growth, be it heterosexual or homosexual. However, there isn't one solid finding that can be used as a theory yet.
Let me share my story of growing up relating to each and every women and girl presence in my life. I'll begin with my family members.
It's unfair to start without sharing my mother. My mum is a very wonderful person as she's willing to give out a lot for her family which includes me. Often patient and caring, she did a lot to keep the family warm and together.
I have 2 siblings, both sisters. An elder sister and a younger sister. I'm the only male stuck between 2 girls. I know, some of you might say their girlishness rubbed off me and thus I turned gay. But to the contrary, it's the opposite side.
My elder sister is very strong in her stands and views. Thus, she tends to be a bit difficult to communicate with especially if you're going against her views. She has a very bad temper. Lol.
My younger sister is more delicate, cute, demanding for attention and enjoys being pampered. As she has 2 elder siblings to look up to, she learned to average out the ways both my sister and I do things. My elder sister will strongly advise (always close to force) her to do things accordingly and I'll always ask her to do what she wants and if it's a mistake, she should embrace and learn from it.
After the small introduction about my female family members, let's begin. People might think that being in a Chinese family, if you're the only male child, you tend to be loved the most by your parents. It wasn't in my scenario, at least from what I felt back then. I would say my parents treated all of us equally. I was a very naughty boy to begin with. I've always been the one running around, making mistakes and getting punished by my dad (caning, and trust me, damn a lot). Back then, I thought I was being marginalized. My elder sister was very trusted by my parents, she didn't get caned much. My younger sister gets all the attention, because she was the youngest. I was squeezed in between, feeling unloved most of the time due to the fact I was punished the most. :(
It didn't help on a lot of occasions, both my sisters ganged up to bully me such as isolating me and ignoring me, telling dad what wrong have I done and etc (I'm very vengeful. Lol).
Thus my early opinions on girls wasn't the best due to the not so pretty picture painted by my sisters. Lol.
When I grew older, my mum started a job rather than being a full time housewife. It was due to the fact that she thinks the household needed more income to sustain our expenses due to the fact we were growing up and required much more money to spend. With the physical presence of mother in the house gone and my sisters' acts of ganging up on me still pretty much present, I really really felt out of place.
My dad's presence was merely the discipline master aka the person who whacks me whenever I did anything wrong. Most of the time, he keeps quiet and never communicate much with the family as it was his style to run the household. Very scary indeed.
Enough about my house.
Throughout all my schooling years, I've been in all-boys schools. St Michaels Primary and St Michaels Institution for secondary. I only got to know a few girls when I was boarding a school bus that fetches me to school each day when I was in Form 1.
Those girls weren't exactly the prettiest around. And to add to that, me being naughty as usual, had the liberty of bullying them once in awhile as well, calling them names such as fatty (even though I'm also fat! Lol), 4 eyes, bookworm and etc. I guess deep inside, I was desperate for attention, for people to recognize me or to know me.
My mischief got me into trouble as their parents went to look for mine and despite the fact I was already in secondary school, I was punished severely by my dad, physically. That was pretty embarrassing if you ask me. Thus, I loathed those girls very very much.
Form 2, when I was 14, things took a different turn. A few of my peers started talking about dating girls and who was whose girlfriend or boyfriend and got me interested. I wanted to be popular and get a girlfriend, so I actually tried being nice to girls in the bus despite their appearances. But they weren't very forgiving for what I did previously and once again, I was ignored. Thus, I remained a guy who was just listening to what others talk about their dates and their girlfriends but never found out the real deal about girls.
On other channels, tuition for example, there were opportunities for me to know girls as well. However, my nature of attending tuition was to study and for that, I tend to concentrate on the class itself which did me good in my academic performance, but got me nothing for my social skills cause when I'm not listening to the teacher, I'd just be talking with my friends instead of trying to know the girls, as I've gotta admit, I was shy to do so.
When I was in Form 4 (after Billy's incident), I was trying to be normal by trying to go after a girl. Her name was SL. She wasn't exactly a beauty either, but she was smart and has some brains. That practically meant we are able to communicate well with each other. The problem is, we've never met each other. We were online friends, but our friends' friend know us in person and that was the only link we had. Of course, she showed her pictures to me once in awhile, and I didn't bother to show mine as I know I'd lose so much brownie points from anyone whenever I show my picture back then.
We were really close friends as we chatted with each other on various topics, even on another guy chasing after her. She gave quite a lot of hints that she was fond of him, but I ignored those hints because once again, I was trying and exploring what it takes to be in a relationship with a girl. I braved myself and asked for her to be my girlfriend... on the internet. Yes, I was that pathetic. I wasn't confident of seeing her in real life nor did we have the time as my parents were pretty strict about me going out for any reason, she was busy preparing for her PMR.
I felt happy, because she accepted (right after she checked if it was only an online relationship and not a real one :( ). The relationship wasn't anything special as we were still talking the same things over the Internet except that I was calling someone 'dear' for the first time in my life. A few months later, she told me, that our online relationship has to end. Reason?
The guy she was always talking to about has made a move and asked to be her boyfriend in real life. And for that, she cannot have another internet boyfriend as she thinks it will hurt their relationship. I respected her decision and never called her any intimate names again. I was once again, saddened, but not brokenhearted as there weren't much love to begin with.
I was sad and asked if my looks was the reason why so many people are not willing to befriend me. Would I still be alone if I'm better looking? And once again, my stubborn self prevailed and told myself that
"To Hell with Good Looks! I will find someone who will love me for who I am and not what I look like!"
Since then, I've lived my live without thinking about girls anymore, till I was in my first year at UTP. For once, I yearned to be acquainted with a girl properly. I wanted to know, how it feels to love and be loved by another girl. Her name was CP. I started befriending her and talking more with her each day despite the fact that she wasn't my coursemate. I was still shy in approaching girls and thus if you ask me now what significant things I did back then to show my courtship for her.. I'd say, nobody would even noticed. I observed her schedule from my other friends who are in the same course with her. Tried to ambush her to have lunch, but sadly, most of the time she's with her classmates and being a ball-less freak back then, I didn't have the guts to actually ask her.
But we were still talking. Talking a lot to be precise. My memory isn't perfect, but as far as I remembered, I think I did managed to ask her if she would give me a chance to be her boyfriend. She was very kind in her rejection. She told me that we're better off being friends and she appreciate me being around. And to be honest, when I was rejected, I didn't felt that hurt compared Billy's push or another story I'd share in the near future regarding rejection.
After that, CP and one of my pals from UTP got together and started dating. I wasn't jealous, but I felt happy at that time because, I thought CP deserves to date someone rather than be alone cause she's really a nice girl. If you're reading this CP, don't take it anyway offensive. I really think you're a very nice girl. :)
Oh well, that sums practically all my experiences and encounters with the opposite sex that is significant enough to somehow make me realize or choose, what I want to be and who I want to be in life.
Do not ask any questions regarding the identities of the girls and any comments speculating them would be removed. Sorry if you're actually looking forward for some smut writing but today, there isn't any (unless you count the seductive pictures I put around).
I'll be continuing my experience in life on the other side after this post. Yes, the homo side. Homos I first knew in my life, encounters, etc etc. Stay tuned.
Cheers
Robb
First Post Previous Post Next Post
There are many studies carried out each year to find the connection on how women played a role in nurturing a boy's growth, be it heterosexual or homosexual. However, there isn't one solid finding that can be used as a theory yet.
Let me share my story of growing up relating to each and every women and girl presence in my life. I'll begin with my family members.
It's unfair to start without sharing my mother. My mum is a very wonderful person as she's willing to give out a lot for her family which includes me. Often patient and caring, she did a lot to keep the family warm and together.
I have 2 siblings, both sisters. An elder sister and a younger sister. I'm the only male stuck between 2 girls. I know, some of you might say their girlishness rubbed off me and thus I turned gay. But to the contrary, it's the opposite side.
My elder sister is very strong in her stands and views. Thus, she tends to be a bit difficult to communicate with especially if you're going against her views. She has a very bad temper. Lol.
My younger sister is more delicate, cute, demanding for attention and enjoys being pampered. As she has 2 elder siblings to look up to, she learned to average out the ways both my sister and I do things. My elder sister will strongly advise (always close to force) her to do things accordingly and I'll always ask her to do what she wants and if it's a mistake, she should embrace and learn from it.
After the small introduction about my female family members, let's begin. People might think that being in a Chinese family, if you're the only male child, you tend to be loved the most by your parents. It wasn't in my scenario, at least from what I felt back then. I would say my parents treated all of us equally. I was a very naughty boy to begin with. I've always been the one running around, making mistakes and getting punished by my dad (caning, and trust me, damn a lot). Back then, I thought I was being marginalized. My elder sister was very trusted by my parents, she didn't get caned much. My younger sister gets all the attention, because she was the youngest. I was squeezed in between, feeling unloved most of the time due to the fact I was punished the most. :(
It didn't help on a lot of occasions, both my sisters ganged up to bully me such as isolating me and ignoring me, telling dad what wrong have I done and etc (I'm very vengeful. Lol).
Thus my early opinions on girls wasn't the best due to the not so pretty picture painted by my sisters. Lol.
When I grew older, my mum started a job rather than being a full time housewife. It was due to the fact that she thinks the household needed more income to sustain our expenses due to the fact we were growing up and required much more money to spend. With the physical presence of mother in the house gone and my sisters' acts of ganging up on me still pretty much present, I really really felt out of place.
My dad's presence was merely the discipline master aka the person who whacks me whenever I did anything wrong. Most of the time, he keeps quiet and never communicate much with the family as it was his style to run the household. Very scary indeed.
Enough about my house.
Throughout all my schooling years, I've been in all-boys schools. St Michaels Primary and St Michaels Institution for secondary. I only got to know a few girls when I was boarding a school bus that fetches me to school each day when I was in Form 1.
Those girls weren't exactly the prettiest around. And to add to that, me being naughty as usual, had the liberty of bullying them once in awhile as well, calling them names such as fatty (even though I'm also fat! Lol), 4 eyes, bookworm and etc. I guess deep inside, I was desperate for attention, for people to recognize me or to know me.
My mischief got me into trouble as their parents went to look for mine and despite the fact I was already in secondary school, I was punished severely by my dad, physically. That was pretty embarrassing if you ask me. Thus, I loathed those girls very very much.
Form 2, when I was 14, things took a different turn. A few of my peers started talking about dating girls and who was whose girlfriend or boyfriend and got me interested. I wanted to be popular and get a girlfriend, so I actually tried being nice to girls in the bus despite their appearances. But they weren't very forgiving for what I did previously and once again, I was ignored. Thus, I remained a guy who was just listening to what others talk about their dates and their girlfriends but never found out the real deal about girls.
On other channels, tuition for example, there were opportunities for me to know girls as well. However, my nature of attending tuition was to study and for that, I tend to concentrate on the class itself which did me good in my academic performance, but got me nothing for my social skills cause when I'm not listening to the teacher, I'd just be talking with my friends instead of trying to know the girls, as I've gotta admit, I was shy to do so.
When I was in Form 4 (after Billy's incident), I was trying to be normal by trying to go after a girl. Her name was SL. She wasn't exactly a beauty either, but she was smart and has some brains. That practically meant we are able to communicate well with each other. The problem is, we've never met each other. We were online friends, but our friends' friend know us in person and that was the only link we had. Of course, she showed her pictures to me once in awhile, and I didn't bother to show mine as I know I'd lose so much brownie points from anyone whenever I show my picture back then.
We were really close friends as we chatted with each other on various topics, even on another guy chasing after her. She gave quite a lot of hints that she was fond of him, but I ignored those hints because once again, I was trying and exploring what it takes to be in a relationship with a girl. I braved myself and asked for her to be my girlfriend... on the internet. Yes, I was that pathetic. I wasn't confident of seeing her in real life nor did we have the time as my parents were pretty strict about me going out for any reason, she was busy preparing for her PMR.
I felt happy, because she accepted (right after she checked if it was only an online relationship and not a real one :( ). The relationship wasn't anything special as we were still talking the same things over the Internet except that I was calling someone 'dear' for the first time in my life. A few months later, she told me, that our online relationship has to end. Reason?
The guy she was always talking to about has made a move and asked to be her boyfriend in real life. And for that, she cannot have another internet boyfriend as she thinks it will hurt their relationship. I respected her decision and never called her any intimate names again. I was once again, saddened, but not brokenhearted as there weren't much love to begin with.
I was sad and asked if my looks was the reason why so many people are not willing to befriend me. Would I still be alone if I'm better looking? And once again, my stubborn self prevailed and told myself that
"To Hell with Good Looks! I will find someone who will love me for who I am and not what I look like!"
Since then, I've lived my live without thinking about girls anymore, till I was in my first year at UTP. For once, I yearned to be acquainted with a girl properly. I wanted to know, how it feels to love and be loved by another girl. Her name was CP. I started befriending her and talking more with her each day despite the fact that she wasn't my coursemate. I was still shy in approaching girls and thus if you ask me now what significant things I did back then to show my courtship for her.. I'd say, nobody would even noticed. I observed her schedule from my other friends who are in the same course with her. Tried to ambush her to have lunch, but sadly, most of the time she's with her classmates and being a ball-less freak back then, I didn't have the guts to actually ask her.
But we were still talking. Talking a lot to be precise. My memory isn't perfect, but as far as I remembered, I think I did managed to ask her if she would give me a chance to be her boyfriend. She was very kind in her rejection. She told me that we're better off being friends and she appreciate me being around. And to be honest, when I was rejected, I didn't felt that hurt compared Billy's push or another story I'd share in the near future regarding rejection.
After that, CP and one of my pals from UTP got together and started dating. I wasn't jealous, but I felt happy at that time because, I thought CP deserves to date someone rather than be alone cause she's really a nice girl. If you're reading this CP, don't take it anyway offensive. I really think you're a very nice girl. :)
Oh well, that sums practically all my experiences and encounters with the opposite sex that is significant enough to somehow make me realize or choose, what I want to be and who I want to be in life.
Do not ask any questions regarding the identities of the girls and any comments speculating them would be removed. Sorry if you're actually looking forward for some smut writing but today, there isn't any (unless you count the seductive pictures I put around).
I'll be continuing my experience in life on the other side after this post. Yes, the homo side. Homos I first knew in my life, encounters, etc etc. Stay tuned.
Cheers
Robb
First Post Previous Post Next Post
13 comments:
oh i love that ice cream licking guy!!!!!
wah..ur life is so like a really exciting drama...i only remember studying during primary and secondary school.
you know it'll be a hell lot easier to read your blog at office if there aren't all those gay boy pictures! :P
anonymous: glad that u like him
cindy: life is as interesting as the person who interprets it. :)
ky: select 'Don't load images' on my blog. lol.
i couldn't agree more with KY, especially when i'm surrounded by 50 years old aunties and uncles!!!! and the girl part... i can't really relate because i was kind of the women magnet for "sisterly" talk... all the more reason to NOT have a girl friend if u get what i mean~~
"To Hell with Good Looks! I will find someone who will love me for who I am and not what I look like!"
I used to tell myself this too. Apparently people like that doesn't exist. lol =(
It's been a long wait...but this is a nice part of your story to relate to...now wondering if every gays go thru all these stages such as urs...interesting...don't keep us waiting longer for the next post Robb... :) Take care.
ouuuhhhh i love this entry!
kesian sotong... your childhood was so miserable... hugs...
smart people find solution to their problem, while others blame everything else around them as a consequence of who they are.
oh please keep us posted on the homo life ;D
Homos u first knew and encounters!
Oh SO EXCITING! xD
loving ur blog more and more :)
u haven wonderful experience then me la... haiz...
binn, good for u. u have faghags. i don't have any. maybe that's because i really don't fancy a girl's company?
kei: yes lor.. :(
alsace: i think everyone in life, be it straight or gay have a story to tell. :)
firdauz: tq~
willy: kesian me? give me some love la. and by that i mean physical. lol
anonymous: problem? wat problem? this is an experience from the past. it's not a problem. :)
stareunji: :P
shiuji: i'm sure u have wonderful experience as well. it's just that maybe you're not good at articulating it.
Post a Comment