My Languages of Love

Languages of love not necessary only apply to lovers. If used properly, it can help relationships in life, be it friends, family and even co-workers. Let me share with you what's mine today.

Ever since young, life was a competition for me, at least. I don't know how and why I viewed it that way, but it was always a challenge for me to be perceived as the best or at least the better one compared to whoever you want to. I like compliments and praises a lot and I think this is because my dad in particular is very stingy in showering compliments. He was of course, never shy to scold and cane me whenever I misbehaved. As shared previously that I was constantly bullied by my sisters, I had to find an outlet to be happy.


Lol, not this kind of competition
As such, I kinda went all out for whatever I did back then to gain recognition and compliments not only from my mum, but my relatives and whoever that was that could give me my fix of compliments. I first found pride when I scored pretty well in my exams compared relatively with my sisters. I was showered with toys and praises by my relatives. Even my dad bought me a new toy but still, he didn't mention a word to compliment me for my results.

Ever since then, I was motivated to excel further in my studies in order to be loved. I managed to do that as I was constantly first in the class and eventually first in the entire Standard for Primary school. Every time I was first, I was given toys, cash and praises by my relatives but yet, my dad did not utter a single word of appreciation towards my results. According to him, performing in my studies is my role and it should not be complimented. In fact, I was once caned by him for trying to get him to buy me something to reward my results. I was.. devoid of recognition by my very own dad.

This of course, continued all the way till I graduated from high school with the best SPM results compared to my siblings and as usual, my dad didn't say anything nor did he reward me. I have no expectation for him to do so by then anyway. However, things got worse when I wanted to explore the possibility to study in KL city at first. My dad told me it wasn't possible for me to do so and he'll not fund me (reason is quite lengthy, another tale for another day). That totally crushed my heart. I think from there on, I thought I was totally unloved by my dad.


My perception of things that happened back then kinda shaped me into who I am today. For what I was devoid of the most, I seek them now the most too. Communication, talking, compliment is what I prioritize a lot in my life. I often spend ample of time talking and discussing things that I think are important to people around me (eg Zach, colleagues, boss and friends). In addition, for those people who I do care around me, I do try my best to buy them gifts (though I'm not very good in buying gifts for people) to show them I care about them.

I think from the paragraph above, you'd probably know that I speak the language of Words of affirmation/compliments and Gifts & Rewards. Of course, my dad on the other hand speaks the language of Responsibilities/Expected duties which he expected me to do the same. No doubt, he loved the family very much (I failed to see it back then) as he tried his best to fork out everything he can to ensure all of us are well fed, and all our needs are met. He was even willing to sell his house if it was necessary for us to complete our tertiary education.

Thus, you see how important it is for you to figure out what is the language of love a person speak? If you manage to find it out and is able to speak that language to him/her, your relationship will blossom be it within friends, family or co-workers. Clearly, my dad did not know of this but as now I am aware of this, I'll play my part/role well as a son and has since contributed to his monthly allowance each month seeing that he's now retired.


I hope of course he'll feel loved by me in his expectations. Meanwhile.. I don't plan to push this knowledge to him, to get him to start talking to me and giving out words of assurance to me, cause from my experience of talking to him.. it doesn't exactly change him much.

So ladies and gentlemen, there you have it, a tale that shows languages of love play important role in relationships. If you happen to be a close acquaintance of me who's reading this, by all means, show me some love once in awhile by complimenting me, yeah? ;)

P.S. Thanks to Gareth for enlightening me on Middle Child Syndrome. Never knew such thing existed and I think some of it is true for me, sadly. Damn sad when I read through them, okay? Check out here and here. Read the comments if you want to know what I mean. T_T

Wants to be loved
Robb