Discriminated
And by that, it doesn't mean that I go around kissing guys and molesting them in public. No, that's not openly gay, but perverted (though I admit I might do that if it's the last day of my life).
What I meant was, everyone that is acquainted with me knows of my sexuality. Be it my friends, housemates, colleagues, clients whom I've worked closely with and my nucleus family. Meaning - dad, mum, sisters, dogs, mosquitoes inside my parents' house and the lizards on the wall.
The process of letting my parents know I'm gay went better than what I've expected. My mum seemed to be able to accept it while my dad was totally disappointed and had some hidden rage in him that I turned out queer. However, my dad got over it as time passed and he just ignored the fact that I'm gay and happily living with my boyfriend/lover/life partner, Zach. Every time I tried to bring in Zach into the conversation, he ignored it and pretended that I didn't said anything. Else wise, everything was just fine as it is.
Denial and pretending that something didn't happen while it did doesn't solve anything, as far as I've learned in my life. My dad is more than 30 years wiser than me but I'm not sure if he shares the same sentiment in this opinion for this case.
Recently, my elder sister graduated from medical school in Russia. She's now a full time doctor serving at Penang. As usual, a new doctor works like a donkey but gets paid handsomely which means they have quite a bit of money to spend but no time to do so. After spending 7 years in Russia alone, she kinda long for some family get-togethers and it's understandable which I made an effort to join in the fun one of the past weekends by going back to Ipoh.
As my siblings and I are all working now and we have responsibilities to shoulder daily. Thus, whenever we can, we'd try to schedule a time to get-together. My younger sister who is a trainee nurse gets a week off for each half a year. Her holiday is coming somewhere in July and I thought why not we have a family get-together to Penang.
Reason being Penang, my elder sister works there, she doesn't have to be too far from her workplace in case of emergencies and I have super huge cravings for Penang food as I've not been to Penang for over a year. I also thought it would be a perfect time for the family to accept me for who I am and Zach as a person who's important to my life thus I thought of bringing Zach along for this trip. Zach could also be helpful to show us around what's nice to eat and where to go and etc.
However, I've got a certain feeling that Zach's presence to the family get-together might not be welcomed and thus I checked with my younger sister about it. She doesn't seem to welcome my idea as she felt that dad might be uncomfortable (upset would be a better word) about it. She asked me to check with dad's opinion first before making any further plans about this.
Thus, I ranged my dad and told him about a get-together to Penang. He seemed happy that I had the intention to suggest such a thing and said he don't mind going for it. However, when I brought up the suggestion that Zach tags along his voice tone changed into a hostile one and said "NO".
I further asked why not and he gave me his most used answer to assert his authority in my years of growing up.
"NO MEANS NO!"
I gave up trying to ask why as he sounded totally hostile when he said that. Then I told him I'll check for my schedule before I revert for the get-together. But I've made up my mind that I'm not going for such a get-together.
Reason?
My boyfriend/lover/life partner is being discriminated by my very own dad. I even got a feeling that I'm being discriminated by my dad. Reality check, I wonder if my dad would have reacted this way if Zach is Zena (in other words, a girl, which makes me a straight lad)? Would my dad be upset of my girlfriend going along with a family trip? Or, would my dad be upset if my sister's boyfriend tag along for one?
I really have no idea, but being someone who tends to be negative towards his family, I'd said no. My dad would not be upset if I'm straight bringing a girl nor my sis bringing their boyfriends to a family trip. I might be jumping to conclusions here, but I'm human alright? I'm upset due to the fact that I felt discriminated against by my very own family even though it's not a proven fact yet.
I understand that my dad is uncomfortable of my sexuality. But sooner or later, he has to accept it and learn to deal with it, right? My intention was, why not start earlier so I can relate to my family more and felt loved by them? But it seems that my dad felt that avoiding this topic as long as he could would be a better option.
If there are any parents reading this, I'd really appreciate it if you can give me a view or two on this matter.
- What if your son is gay?
- What if your son wishes to introduce his boyfriend/lover/life partner to you?
- Will you be able to accept his boyfriend/lover/life partner as you'd have for a girlfriend/daughter-in-law?
Felt discriminated,
Robb


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