And I'm Back

Yes, after the long absence in the scene of blogging, I'm finally out of the closet (again)!

I blame myself for procrastinating to blog. You know the usual excuse why someone doesn't blog - my work is tiring, after I got home, I don't feel like blogging anymore that kinda shit.

Well, I've been using that excuse for quite awhile now, but why am I no longer using now? Let's just say that I somewhat feel more 'myself' when I express all my thoughts out knowing that there might be someone out there who will listen to me.

It kinda makes a difference than keeping everything panted up inside you, which I think that was the case (which kinda made my life a little less awesome).

Well anyway, I feel like I've restarted my journey of blogging. Why?

When I was 19, I started blogging because I was emotionally unstable due to a rejection from another guy I happened to like at that time.

Today, I'm emotionally unstable from all the latest happenings around me such as;
- someone who has been a big part of my life leaving forever
- I'm moving house, to Zach's own house while I'm on credit card debt
- I'm getting out of shape and I feel like I could vomit every time I look at the mirror

Truth to be told, I think I lack a major motivation in my life.

If you've been reading my blog, you oughta have read somewhere that I grew up being constantly motivated with rewards (SPM, each A's = RM100 bucks, which was huge for a kid like me and other proportionate rewards going down the ladder).

Now that I'm working at a great company but slightly hectic work schedule, it seems like I am having difficulties yielding a proper motivation to sling myself forward. Though I enjoy what I do at work, I dread the time I spend on it due to the industry norm. Sigh...

Most of the time when I get off work, my mind got so tired I just feel like crashing on the bed and yes, I do that. The next thing you know? It's morning and life repeats itself again.

Seeing beyond that, however reveals that it was a choice of mine to not do anything after the crazy work hours. I could still hit the gym if I motivate myself hard enough, but guess what? I didn't.

I could still call friends out for a drink or two, or even play poker with them, but guess what? I didn't.

Main point I'm blogging today is to express disappointment in myself. Dear fat gay man, you've been such a wonderful procrastinator. It's time to move forward. No more excuses please, or else you'll be doomed to fatness oblivion for eternity where all cute guys shun or feel disgusted when they look at you.

Fuck you, Robb.

Fuck you for messing your life.

Cheers
Robb